Better Than I

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I choose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

Chorus
You know better then I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
For You know better then I

If this has been a test
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

Chorus

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me
Will You teach me

You know better then I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
I take what answer, You supply
For You know better then I

It is the best of times... It is the worst of times...

I wished for a change.
I dreamt for a change.
I prayed for a change.
I got a change.
And now it's changing me...

So drastically too. Some were expected... Some were dreaded...
It is the worst of times... It is the best of times...
How more straightforward can it get?

Every morning and every night I'm full of hope...
And all the while, the dark days only become darker
Reality is hard to face
The harsh, cold winter only exacerbates things.
But there's the one Shining Light that pushes me on...
Encouraging and reminding me He's always there for me.
And He was... and will always be

A time to weep... a time to mourn

God truly works in miraculous ways. The only thing I can't understand is why he would cause grief and sorrow for our family on the beginning of a new year. My grandfather passed away on the first of January, 2009 because of brain tumor. So much for a fresh start of a new year, eh? Now my mom's gonna be gone for a month and during that time, it's my dad, brother, and I. Without Mom, things are gonna be so hectic. I mean, seriously...
Through this, I believe God is going to help me become more dependant on Him, and learn to be a better housekeeper-filling in for most of the responsibilities my mom had. I'd asked to be more responsible and diligent... more dependant on God... turning to Him for all my problems. However, I didn't expect it to happen THis way.
But I can trust that He did it for good...His own will... even if we're not happy with it.

My cellphone rang, causing my hand to plop over it and silence it. I thought, It's already morning? It rang again, making me aware that someone was calling me. I flipped it open and answered. The number was unfamiliar...but the voice was so much like my mom's. The broken voice said, Your Grandpa died. Still thick with sleep, I hung up, imagining my mom catching a plane and heading off for the States. The phone rang again and this time, the voice claimed to be my aunt.. Oh, I thought, how could I be so stupid. She repeated the news and this time, I said, "Ok", and hung up again. What could simply be wrong with me. The phone rang for the last time as I answered. "I'm sorry, you were sleeping..." "No, I'm.. ugh.." "Grandpa passed away..." Realization dawned upon me. "Let me talk to your mom..." I protested, numb from shock and sleep until my mind finally woke up and decided that it was the best action. Seeing that the time was 2 in the morning, I opened the door to my very surprised dad as I handed over the phone... quickly rushing out, still analyzing the shock. Hot tears rushed out, facing reality as somewhere deep inside, I wished that it wouldn't be true. My fears were confirmed as I heard my mom crying from the other room...

People came over and just comforted our family today. I stayed in my darkened room, trying not to burst out in tears. Memories of my grandpa attacked me... The sympathy in our visitors' eyes only made it worse... I didn't want to think much about it.
When my friend came, she and I just talked. I tried to keep a light tone and not break down. Thankfully, she didn't bring it up again. Soon, we started laughing. I was actually thankful for once to be able to be easily distracted. Her parents stayed and her mom made dinner for us. My friend and I watched movies and talked about stuff. When she left, I was left with no distractions. But I thanked God for sending her over. Then, I was reminded of a verse from Ecclesiastes...Chapter 3, verse 4..a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance... I don't know why.. but the first part really stood out. It fit my situation perfectly, though I doubt it was meant to be in that way. But oddly, I found comfort in it. Easily distracted... or in this case, random as I can get, it led me to think about how Grandpa dying was actually a good thing for him. He was suffering enough... God just shortened his pain. We can be glad that all his troubles are now over. And hopefully, good will come out of all this.

Happy New Year!

As if on cue, the bangs increased.
Brilliant lights shot up the midnight sky, showering the empty space with sparks.
It was no Disneyland-style show.
But something about the random fireworks truly performed a unique, spectacular display. No camera could truly capture the beauty in its entity.
I stood there on the balcony, reminiscising fondly of New Years last year. I'd been on this same spot, gleefully (and literally) jumping around yelling "Happy New Year" to the neighborhood.
Something caught me this time, though.
I felt sorrow... remorse... nostalgia... as I flipped through my memories of the past year. I felt no joy whatsoever. Time had changed me a lot within a year. I wondered what I had accomplished. Suddenly, it freshly hit me as it always did; time goes by fast... regardless of whether you're having fun... or not. Looking ahead, I felt fear. With time slipping from my hands, just like that, I felt once again that my life was being wasted. Immediate action was crucial. There was no time for idling.
So I decided that I would be productive of this year as much as I could. It is my intention to never bring out the word 'bored' or 'nothing to do' to my lips... as much as I can resist.
Some people don't have the time. Others simply have it limited.
And yet most of us bring it to waste, only wishing it would fly faster.
Time is precious and we should make the most out of it. Just like the way we should make the most out of our lives. Moreover, we should do it all for God and make Him feel proud.

Some prayer requests I might like to...request for this year!

• First of all my grandfather, who's suffering from brain tumor. He had surgery and everything but he recently had to go back to the hospital. Apparently his health is decreasing once more. Please, please pray!
• Secondly, that I can improve my grades more and try harder.
• Lastly, that I can be efficient with my time.