내 맘을 아냐고 (Feat. 김현중, 태혜영 (미스에스) , U주)- MJ

내 맘을 아냐고

가슴 찢어지는 내 맘 너는 알까
사랑앞에 무릎 꿇는 내 맘 알까
너란 여자땜에 우는 나를 아냐고
니가 내 맘을 아냐고

항상 꺼져있는 전화기 또 답장없는 메세지
아무것도 못해 가만히 니 번호를 눌러 또다시
아닌줄 알면서도 심장이 널 붙잡고서 놓아주질 않잖아
나 어떻게 살아

매일같이 독한 술을 계속 마시고
어렵게 끊었던 담배를 다시 입에 물어
무엇보다 쓰디쓴 내 기억에 눈물을 짖고
바보처럼 살아가 너 이런 내 맘 알아

차라리 차라리 시작조차 말껄 그랬어
사랑이 사람이 어떻게 그렇게 변하니
만남이 이별을 기억하고 다시 찾아와
이 가슴 찢어놓고 그냥 가려하잖아

가지마 사랑아 날 두고 그냥 떠나지마
가지마 사랑아 아직 내가 여기 있잖아
부탁이야 제발 돌아와 내게 돌아와
너 없인 하루도 살아갈 자신 없어

가슴 찢어지는 내 맘 너는 알까
사랑앞에 무릎 꿇는 내 맘 알까
너란 여자땜에 우는 나를 아냐고
니가 내 맘을 아냐고

항상 꺼져있는 전화기 또 답장없는 메세지
어디서 넌 뭘하는지 왜 이렇게 연락 안돼니
친구들 내게 말해 끝난 사랑이라고
무슨 말이라도 해봐 단 한마디라도

차라리 차라리 시작하지 말 껄 그랬어
사랑이 사람이 어떻게 그렇게 변하니
만남이 이별을 기억하고 다시 찾아와
내 가슴 도려내고 그냥 가려 하잖아

가슴 찢어지는 내맘 너는 알까
사랑앞에 무릎 꿇는 내맘 알까
너란 남자땜에 우는 나를 아냐고
니가 내 맘을 아냐고

차라리 차라리 시작조차 말 껄 그랬어
차라리 차라리 좀 더 잘해줄껄 그랬어
차라리 차라리 니가 아니였음 좋겠어
숨조차 쉴수 없어 미칠것 같으니까

가지마 사랑아 날 두고 그냥 떠나지마
가지마 사랑아 아직 내가 여기있잖아
가지마 사랑아 날 두고 그냥 떠나지마
가지마 사랑아 아직 내가 여기 있잖아

가슴 찢어지는 내 맘 너는 알까
사랑앞에 무릎 꿇는 내 맘 알까
너란 사람땜에 우는 나를 아냐고
니가 내 맘을 아냐고

가슴 찢어지는 내맘 너는 알까
사랑앞에 무릎 꿇는 내 맘 알까
너란 사람땜에 우는 나를 아냐고
니가 내 맘을 아냐고
           

%

only one thing i can do
only one thing i can say

i love you

then i'll walk away...

"nOt-qUite-PerFect mArriage PrOposaLs"

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=23010913


It Was a Gas
My fiance planned a trip to a ski resort in Pennsylvania, and had intended to ask me to marry him on a sleigh ride, but a heat wave had melted almost all the snow. He then decided he would just take me on a carriage ride, thinking it was going to be very romantic. NO! The horses started farting! And shedding! We had horsehair in our mouths and could smell farts the whole time. We finished the ride, and Jimmy wanted me to follow him to the edge of the mountain, but because of the rain, everything was muddy, so I said, "No, thanks, I'll stay over here!" He was so frustrated, he finally just plopped down on his knee right there in the mud and asked me to marry him!
The Houdini of Engagement Rings
Jordan and his family took me out for my birthday dinner at a restaurant that has live music. At one point, the bandleader said, "I hear there's a birthday in the house tonight! Why don't you come on up here!" Jordan went with me. After they played "Happy Birthday," he pulled a tiny ring box out of his pocket, knelt down on one knee, opened it, and...the ring was missing! Jordan's mother realized she had given him the wrong ring box from her big, overstuffed purse. A few of my friends quickly dumped the contents of her purse onto the table searching for the correct box. Eventually it was found, delivered to Jordan, and he was able to "correctly" propose!
Receipt Fail
My fiance had stopped to pick up the ring on his way home from work. Earlier that day, I had given him the credit card to get gas for his car, and when he got home, I asked him for the receipt so I could put it in our budget. But instead of giving me the gas station receipt, he gave me the ring receipt! I looked at it and smiled, then asked him for the "real" receipt. He just looked at me and said, "No, I didn't!" and we both laughed. He wasn't planning on proposing to me for a couple more days because he had a big, romantic day planned, but I told him that it didn't matter how it happened as long as I got him for the rest of my life!
Thwarted by a Bike
For the first two mornings of our vacation, Nick asked me to get up and take a walk before 8 a.m. -- not a good idea in my mind. Finally, I agreed to a morning bike ride to the beach, but the chain kept popping off my bike. Twenty minutes later, we got the chain back on, but we were covered in grease and it was in the 90s, so we were super-hot. I wanted to go home and shower, but Nick insisted we could get the grease off with salt water. Once we got down to the beach, he got down on one knee and proposed. Now the whole thing finally made sense to me!
Just the 2 of Us...and a Bear
We went to hike in the Pocono Mountains for a weekend. Eric decided that the short trail up the mountain was "too short," so we took the longer one. Hours later, in 95-degree heat and 100-percent humidity, I wasn't so into this hike anymore. We finally reached the top of the mountain, and just when Eric thought it was a good time to pop the question, we heard people behind us yell, "Bear! Here he comes!" And everyone ran to get away from this huge black bear. After the bear finally went away, Eric decided to continue with his plan and proposed. After the shock wore off, I said yes!
Too Close for Comfort
Two-and-a-half years after we started dating, Justin took me on an amazingly scenic stroll. At one point, he got down on one knee and asked if I would marry him. I said, "Of course! Yes!" And he took my hand and put on the ring. I leaned in to cuddle with my new fiance, and at the same time, he leaned in to kiss my forehead -- this created a collision that ended with Justin getting a bloody nose. Fortunately, we got the bleeding under control long enough to tell everyone we knew we were engaged!
Lost and Found
I decided to take my bride-to-be back to the beach where we'd shared our first kiss and propose to her during sunset. I had the ring on my necklace because I thought it would be easier to take off, but I was a little nervous as I kneeled down, and when I tried to take it off, the necklace snapped. The next thing I remember: holding a broken necklace with no ring. We searched the sand inch by inch until nightfall, and then I decided we needed a metal detector. I quickly went out and bought one while my fiancee marked the spot, and it took us less than three minutes to locate the ring. Ticket to the pier: $2. Metal detector: $70. The feeling after we found the ring: Priceless.

"BeSt mArriAge prOpoSals 2009"

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=23010912&GT1=32023

You Ought to Be in Pictures
The one thing my boyfriend, Josh, and I don't have in common is movies -- I love them, but he could care less. But for our third anniversary, Josh offered to take me to see one. When we walked into the theater, it was already dark, so we grabbed a seat near the front. Suddenly, a picture of us came up on the screen -- Josh had made a movie about us! He and some of our friends acted out scenes from our relationship, and as the movie ended, I turned and Josh was kneeling on the floor. He opened a box with a ring pop inside just as the words "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" flashed on the screen. Then the lights turned on and everyone yelled, "Surprise!" Both of our families and our closest friends were in the theater watching the whole time!
A Fish Tale
My boyfriend and I flew to Seattle and visited Pike Place Market, famous for its fishmongers who throw fish. One of the fishmongers asked me if I wanted to catch a fish. I was nervous that I'd drop it, but I caught the fish and held it above my head to the applause of onlookers -- and then someone shouted that there was something in the fish's mouth. I discovered a plastic bag, tore it open, and found a small box inside. I turned around to find my boyfriend down on one knee!
Love Note, Redux
My fiance and I started dating our senior year of high school. He was shy, so he wrote me a note and left it on my desk -- it was super-dorky and asked if I wanted to "go out with him, be together, or whatever." Then he wrote, "Sorry about the note. I really like you. Jim." Now we're both teachers, and when I got back to my apartment one day after school, there was an envelope taped to my door. As I began to read the note, I realized I'd read it somewhere before. He had rewritten that original note, but changed it to "Will you marry me, be together forever, or whatever. Sorry about the note. I really love you. Jim." He was waiting in my room to propose.
An Offer She Couldn't Refuse
My boyfriend, Mike, and I were at my cousin's apartment, hanging out with her and her husband and their baby, Ryan. Mike is Ryan's godfather. We were all in the living room playing with the baby, and my cousin asked us to change him into his pajamas. So I unsnapped his onesie and went to pull it off over his head, and I realized he had on another one underneath. That onesie had writing on it: "AUNT GG, WILL YOU MARRY MY GODFATHER?" I read it, and then I looked next to me, and there was Mike down on one knee with the ring! And, of course, I said yes!
An Unforgettable View
My boyfriend, Rob, is a pilot, and we often take trips in a Cessna airplane. One night, Rob told me he had rented a plane for the next morning for what I thought would just be a typical flight. After we were in the air for about five minutes, he switched radio frequencies. This wasn't a normal procedure, so I was thinking, Oh gosh, what's wrong? Then Rob asked me, "What's that down there?" I looked down to the ground below us, and written on a football field were the words "Will You Marry Me, Delilah?" Of course I said yes, and the news of our engagement was broadcast for all to hear on radio frequency 123.45.
Love in Any Language
One day, at the hospital where I work, a fellow nurse walked into the OR and handed me a card. One side of the card said, "Chinese," and the back had something written in Chinese. A moment later, another nurse came in and handed me another card. On one side it said, "German," and the other side said something in German. This continued for 45 minutes, with cards coming in all different languages. I didn't know what to think until one of my patients complained of stomach pain, and I lifted up her blanket to find a card that said, "French," which is a language I read well -- I realized that all of the cards said, "Will you marry me?" I opened the door to the recovery room and found my fiance holding the final card. One side said, "English," and when I flipped it over, it said, "Will you marry me?"
Well-Played Proposal
For my birthday, Dell surprised me with a weekend at this beautiful, secluded house. That night after dinner, we decided to play Monopoly. On one of my first rolls, I landed on "Chance." When I pulled the card, it said my name and I was so confused. Dell had designed the card and had written a letter to me! At the end of the card, it said, "If you'll look my way, there is one thing I want to ask..." And when I turned to look at Dell, he was on his knee and holding the ring.
Rules of Engagement
My boyfriend, Nate, had been deployed in Afghanistan for a year, so for my birthday, Nate's friends threw me a party so I wouldn't be alone. The last present I opened was a card that told me to check my closet upstairs. In the closet, I found a DVD with a note that said, "Watch immediately." It was a video of Nate in Afghanistan, holding a sign that said to go to the first place we met. We all drove over to the school where Nate and I had been kindergarten classmates, and then I saw a soldier on the playground. Before I could process what was happening, I realized it was Nate, who had somehow managed to come home. I started bawling on his shoulder, and then he got on his knee and pulled out a ring that was custom-made for me in Afghanistan.
A Walk to Remember
Daniel and I met when we both decided to hike the Appalachian Trail. We met only a few days into our separate hikes and developed a wonderful friendship as we walked across the country together. Six-and-a-half months later, we reached the summit of Mount Katahdin at the end of the trail, and one year after that, Daniel took me back to the trail for a picnic. After we ate, Daniel helped me to my feet and then dropped to one knee. He said if we could walk 2,000 miles together through rain, snow, stress fractures, lightning, bugs, and creepy townies, then there is no doubt that we could take on anything else that life has to offer, and he couldn't imagine any adventure he would want to embark on without me by his side.

오늘 헤어졌어요~ <3- 윤하

새하얀 머플러에 얼굴을 묻고
붉어진 눈을 깜빡이며 널 기다렸어
무슨 얘길 하고 픈지 그 말
알 것도 같은데 모르겠어
어색한 눈인사에 목이 메이고
한 발 물러 선 우리 둘 공간에 눈물 터지고
화가 나서 소리치듯 가란 내 말에
벌써 넌 아주 멀리 달아나 버렸어

오늘 헤어졌어요 우리 헤어졌어요
내 맘 알 것 같다면 옆에서 같이 울어줘요
나는 안되나봐요 역시 아닌가봐요
얼마나 더울어야 제대로 사랑할까요

귓가엔 심장소리 크게 울리고
지운 니 번호 지울수록 더욱 또렷해지고
언제부터 어디부터 멀어진건지
분명히 어제까진 날 사랑했는데

오늘 헤어졌어요 우리 헤어졌어요
내 맘 알 것 같다면 옆에서 같이 울어줘요
나는 안되나봐요 역시 아닌가봐요
얼마나 더 울어야 제대로 사랑할까요

참 좋았어 너무 좋아서 더 아프죠
사랑에 또 속은 내가 미워

그냥 나오지 말 걸 그냥 아프다 할 걸
우리 사랑한 기억 그게 널 붙잡아 줄 텐데
너는 내일을 살고 나는 오늘을 살아
아무도 아무것도 날 웃게할 수는 없어

오늘 헤어졌어요 우리 헤어졌어요
내 맘 알 것 같다면 옆에서 같이 울어줘요
나는 안되나봐요 역시 아닌가봐요 얼마나
더 울어야 제대로 사랑 할까요
           

LoVe

........................LOVELOVE..................LOVELOVE
......................LOVELOVELOVE.......LOVELOVELOVELO
....................LOVELOVELOVELO..VELOVELOVELOVELOVE
...................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOV
.................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVEL
.................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
...................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVEL
......................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELO
.........................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELO
............................LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELO
...............................LOVELOVELOVELOVELO
..................................LOVELOVELOVELOV
......................................LOVELOVELOVE
.........................................LOVELOVEL
............................................LOVELO
...............................................LOVE
.................................................LO
..................................................L

Merry Christmas!!~ <3

don't ask me why...

...it just hurts... haunting me day and night...

***

so cold...
so empty...
so lonely...
another cruel winter to face...

this torture...
this nightmare...
this cage...
an inescapable labyrinth...

a year...
a month...
a day...
each fearful minute...

one word...
one shatter...
one tear...
numerous shards of a broken heart...

고슴도치 딜레마-딜라이트

널 보면 두근두근
언제나 조금 조금
조금 더 다가가고파

네게는 삐죽삐죽
가시는 아파아파
너를 더 아프게만 해

내짧은 팔 너를 안고 싶어도 항상
미안해 미안해 미안해 미안해
네게는 상처만 남아

바보같아 정말
네게 했던 말은 모두 거짓말이야 정말
가까이 가까이 가까이
갈수록 너를 다치게 하는 나

바보같아 정말
네게 했던 말은 모두 거짓말이야 정말
바라고 바라고 바라던
사람은 바로 너 뿐이야

널 향해 하루종일
언제나 매일 매일
마음이 자라 날수록

가까이갈 수 없는
난 작은 고슴도치
너를 더 아프게만 해

내짧은 팔 너를 안고 싶어도 항상
미안해 미안해 미안해 미안해
네게는 상처만 남아

바보같아 정말
네게 했던 말은 모두 거짓말이야 정말
가까이 가까이 가까이
갈수록 너를 다치게 하는 나

바보같아 정말
네게 했던 말은 모두 거짓말이야 정말
바라고 바라고 바라던
사람은 바로 너 뿐이야

바보같아
바보같아 정말
모두 거짓말
가까이 가까이 가까이
갈수록 너를 다치게 하는 나

바보같아 정말
네게 했던 말은 모두 거짓말이야 정말

 바라고 바라고 바라던
사람은 너 뿐이야

바보같아

siLence

when you can look into your heart... and find your inmost desires..when you let your guard down and feel the remorse wash over you... why... why??

World's Outsider

There's a gaping hole inside
One that I've been tryin' to hide
Why can't you sense it
Can't you see it

I keep runnin' from my fears
Holding back the many tears
Felt so empty
Over the centuries

Just like oil is to water
Or like north is to the south
I'm world's outsider
Just don't belong in this world

The days are full of sighs
I pass by unrecognized
Nobody knows
It's how it goes

Drowning in this well unending
Acceptance still be pending
What to do now
I don't know how


Just like oil is to water
Or like north is to the south

I'm world's outsider
Just don't belong in this world

Something tells me someone's out there who can come and save me
Bring me back to this world
My story unfurled
Something in me wants to open then to break free
And help release me
From this prison. . .

Hola!

Hola! Me llamo Emily. Vivo en Albania. Hablo ingles, coreano, y un poco espanol. Quiero aprendo mas espanol.
Soy baja, joven, y impaciente.

Adios!

little bOOK!

haha
I made this like really cute book and.. lol, i can't help it but to make another. but with cooler colors. not saying this one's not nice.. hehehehehehe
I LOVE it!

now, to decide what to do with it

bEtrayal

i trusted you with my life...
why'd you have to forsake me...
why'd you have to turn your back on me...
you end what you've started like this?
now i can't trust anyone...
i can't look into the eyes of another...
and know that sincerity lies underneath...
i can't hold the hands of another...
and feel that they'll be there forever...
i can't give my heart to another...
in hopes that it'll remain...
unscathed...
at least my love was true...
at least my love for you...
was pure...
down to every drop...
and you've taken that...
and thrown it away...
now i'm left...
in utter despair...
i wished you die...
but then.. so will I...
I wished you experience excruciating pain...
but then.. everybody will at some point...
i learned this was life...
and tried to move on...
and guess what sucker...
i did...

SIck!!!

So yeah.. I've been sick for the past... 2-3 days. At first is was slight fever and that bitter taste at the back of my throat. Then is was headache and coughing. Then it my whole body ached as did my head (which I thought was going to burst wide open). And my cough and throat is still killing me. Gotta keep taking iburprofen... the effects of the last two pills are wearing out.. xD

Haha, anyway. Let this be a lesson for you all. Take care of yourself. Or you'll end up like me: gargling salt water every few hours (it's actually quite effective), and wishing your head would start throbbing.. not to mention regretting not dressing up as warmly for the past few days. I deserve this... ㅠㅠ waaaaaaaa

Some tips for you all.. so as not to get sick.

1. Dress up warmly!
2. Wash your hands every chance you get to avoid any spreading of germs to others and to yourself.
3. Get plenty of sleep: It gives your body much rest and strength.

There has to be more but I just can't think of any more. Here are some tips to get recuperate.

1. Drink plenty water and warm liquids... you know... not counting your pee...
2. Sleep and don't do things and avoid things that might worsen your condition. For example: walking out in the cold in your undies, drinking iced tea, or extensive "screen time". "Screen time" is a word that my dad invented which means any time spent on computer or tv or anything with a 'screen'. Screens may be hurtful. So don't indulge yourself in these too much.
3. Gargle!
4. Stay clean. Take a nice, hot shower, and get dry as quickly as you can so you don't catch another cold. But then, wait a while until you're feeling at least a teensy bit better. I felt horribly filthy when I woke up this morning with a headache, sore throat, and hair that hadn't been washed in 24+ hours. But I waited a while until the pain subsided and I had enough strength to drag myself to the shower. It was so worth it though. 

c-C-C-oLd!

Today was... cold. And my throat hurtses too! Waaaaa. Plus, I've got like some events coming up where I'll be torturing people with my singing voice. xD Pray for me! I know how nervous I can get in those situations.
Eeek!

rain

it's raining now. thunder and everything too! isn't it weird how people get all depressed and gloomy and stuff whenever it's rainy? weirdly enough, i actually LIkE that. xD
haha no question! oh well.. haha had a quite.. entertaining day. i'm just gonna watch anastasia and sleep. gah! i love that movie

...

:D

teardrop from the sky

teardrop from the sky
by the winds it was lifted
invisible to the eye
down the heavens it drifted

it kept falling and falling
'til it fell into Love
so delightedly enthralling
greatest gift from above

then all crashed down
the only life it ever knew
no more love it found
and so burst into dew

some time went by
the drop lifted high
just wanting to die
unable to fly

the solace of darkness it sought
back at the start
staring at the dot
a rip down its heart

cold crept in bit by bit
and started to freeze
it threw no fit
as it chilled in the breeze

then it became a star
one that shined so bright
then it saw somewhere afar
its shining knight

i'll wait said the drop
a star it was now
besides there's enough
i'm plenty endowed

so there it still stands
as each second goes by
somewhere in distant lands
the teardrop in the sky

Insomnia

For the past few days I've been having trouble sleeping because of insomnia. I had problems with this for a while now.
Oh well, tonight I tried to sleep a bit earlier because I planned on going to the pool with my friends. Anyhow, sleep wouldn't come to me after about an hour of lying eyes wide open on my bed and wandering through the rooms of my house. My head hurt like crazy and the pain wouldn't subside (still won't now). The same routine happened all over again... and again... and again...
But unlike other nights, I turned back on the computer and went online, to tire myself into sleep.
On loading Facebook, this verse jumped right out at me from a friend's status:

"God is a shield for all who take refuge in him... Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest...for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." - Psalm 18:30 & Matthew 11:28-29

First of all, "...I will give you rest..." just kinda danced in front of my eyes when I started reading it. I read the rest and realised how "weary and burdened" I'd become recently. There were many things that worried me and stole away bits of my energy and strength.
But then, reading this verse... it reminded me once more that God will ALWAYS be there for me and I can seek Him in EVERY single situation... Which, in my case is utterly impossible due to the fact that I am, in fact, imperfect. But that's off point.

Ok, I had more to say but I'm very very tired right now, and nothing would feel better now than a pillow under my head. To summarize (and clarify) things, what I simply wanted to say was.... ehhh, can't simplify it much at the moment. Headache's killing me.. :P

Anyways... So yeah. I commented on the status afterwards saying, "I needed that!" Then her reply to mine was..."You know, I KNEW someone did. Thanks for confirming that, Emily."

God never fails to surprise me. No matter how big or small the situation is. But each and every time, He reveals more of His mercy, power, and love.

:O

My summer is now almost coming to an end. Only two precious weeks remain until the day of torture begins. School lingers mockingly in the horizon, dragging my helpless state of mind into wishing school would start sooner. No! I refuse! I refuse to think such unacceptable ideas.

Ye who pollute my mind with such garbage begone!! I say, begone!!!

So yeah... My summer break is coming to an end and I've just begun having nightmares about homework and lectures.
At the beginning of summer I had so many hopes and dreams I wished to accomplish. Alas, those started to dampen day after day... and now, I'm left with nothing but what are just shadows of what were once my escape from this reality.
But I have no regrets. It turned out to be a special summer none-the-less. What's even better is that I've started to change (in a good way... hopefully) and God has drawn me a bit closer to Him then I was before. And I'm very, very happy about that.

Only 14 days remain of freedom and I've realised how much I want to make the best of it. Even in the smallest ways. And to do that, I've got family, friends, and God to help every step of the way.

World's Outsider

Maybe you're wondering what "world's outsider" is supposed to mean. Well, you see i'm a TCK (third culture kid) with mental issues. I'm a US citizen but not American. I'm not exactly Korean either and not exactly Albanian, though i've lived here almost all my life. It's difficult to fit in with everyone else, including fellow MKs. Well, none that i have met so far.
Thus comes, world's outsider...
and yes, it sounds depressing xD

so, just as a simple explanation

Summertime!

Yes, it's been a while since summer break started! Buuuuut, hahahahahah anyways
I've had so many expectations for the summer and i've barely gone through half of it
But it's enjoyable none-the-less. Finally got some tan from going to the beach and pools.
My room's in the midst of being cleaned up. Got three full weeks coming up! hahaha

This morning, i realised once again how cruel dreams are. They pull you into your deepest desires and allows reality to slap you in the face when you wake up. But they're my addiction and no matter how disappointed i am, i'm always back for more
mwa haha

Sentimental Moments

The room is dimly lit by the luminescent screen of a single laptop... a lonely fluorescent light out in the hallway feebly adds to the lighting. With a barely tangible breeze filtering through the open window, the early night brings just enough hope of a restful sleep.
She is sitted on a wooden chair, typing away in silence, trying to concentrate with a few select songs. Sounds of a television show are audible, coming out of the room across the hall. Bits of laughter, squeaking chairs, and some murmurs indiscernable smoothly flow in with the somnolent atmosphere...

"Sometimes, I wonder how things would've been if it weren't for that terrible moment. Surely, things would be much better than the way they are now. But no... I am what I am now... and that is because of the changes. More mature than I used to be... perhaps it is a good thing. However, I just cannot forget the past... those precious moments I kept tucked away closest to my heart... my life. Now, they taunt me and constantly take me back to the dark times..."

Don't wanna say goodbye

You were there from the start
To mend my broken heart
Even though you didn't mean it
And of course, I wouldn't show it

A substitute you were
And of one thing I was sure
That we could become good friends
Right down to the end

[You helped me fly
And reach for the sky
Spread open my wings
Right back on the ride

Why's it become like this
Another to add to my list
No, I won't lie because
I don't wanna say goodbye]

My guard was down too low
I went right with the flow
Guess it was done in too much haste
Now it's all gone to waste

We tried to stitch it back
Though efforts were to lack
It kept falling apart in shambles
Time and pride much gambled

[You helped me fly
And reach for the sky
Spread open my wings
Right back on the ride

Why's it become like this
Another to add to my list
No, I won't lie because
I don't wanna say goodbye]

Let me say I miss those times
The bond that was so fine
With all hope for the better
Maybe now could be a never

If I had a time machine

If I had a time machine
I would travel to the past
And relive those precious moments
Those ones that couldn't last

I'd first choose to visit
The scene of my birth
Then skim across my childhood
And bubble up with mirth

If I had a time machine
There would be many things to do
But one thing that I'm sure of
Is that it's got to do with you

I'd watch our happy seconds go
As the Dark Age nears
Wishing it could've lasted forever
While I wallow in my tears

Could anything have changed it?
Could less hurt have been borne?
Could anything have been done?
If only the end wasn't as forlorn...

If I had a time machine
I'd go back in time
And hold your hand just once more
For just one last time...

PROCRASTINATION

Pray that you won't fall into its trap
Really, I mean it... and I'm serious
Oh, no you don't!
Can't stop doing it really
Rhyming ain't gon' be in this 'ere...'ere watever
Always regret procrastinating
Say, what was that I wanted to do yesterday?
That's the danger you need to look out for
Is that a new dvd?
Never, ever, ever start watching unless you have sufficient time
Ahh, of course a little bit won't hurt... but trust me... time flies
Think! think! think!!!
Is it necessary to procrastinate?
Oh dear
'N this is coming from me.. the ultimate procrastinator.. ahahahaha experience doth help

WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING!!! IT'S ALMOST 11:30 AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING!!!! ARAHRARFYEAAARGH

anyways
g'night
oh hahahaha a
I learned how to "say" goodnight in German!!!
gute nacht
heeheehee

My Life as an MK- Part 1 [Intro]

I recall doing something like this a few years back on MySpace, but I'm starting over again. And so, my story begins...
Ok now, basically... I am an MK (missionary kid) here in Albania. I came with my parents when I was two and a half on a fine spring day in March, year 1995. They always reminded us that at that time, we had to walk from the plane to the terminal instead of buses (like they have now). That was the start of a new life. Albania has become my home since. Being here gives me a strange sense of security that I can not explain. Back in California, I always constantly feel like an outcast or some sort of freak, although it is my resident state (???) and where most of my close relatives live.
As an Asian, I am conspicuous among the natives. Not to mention that even as a Korean-American, I am neither "American" nor "Korean". I hate it when people say I'm "American" or "Korean", it just makes me feel more freakish. I am a mixture of both (culturally). I can speak, read, and write both languages quite fluently except that my Korean skills are lacking in many areas xD. The Albanian language is still hard to speak and comprehend (to be explained in another Part ^^). I go to a tiny highschool which, I guess can be called "hybrid" because of the way it runs (sorta like a school for homeschoolers.. no, it IS except I'm not really being homeschooled by my parents...they never have).
I think that's a good enough intro, don't ya think? Hehe

oi..

crap, I'm sick

==

I am sleepeeeeeeeee.....

YaaaaaY

Hahaha
Back after like...2 months
Oh well
IT is spring now!!!
Although it got colder again yesterday and today
but I can cope
heehee
I took out my spring/summer clothes today and found mold on a few
and I got very frustrated
hahaha
and again I had to tell myself
"Welcome to Albania"

I really want to sleep right now
but
A) My hair's not dry yet (I washed it like 3 hours ago.. too cold for it to dry quickly and don't wanna blow dry it because it's not too good for my hair)
B) I keep feeling the urge to blog again
hahaha oh well
I finally cleaned my room today haha
omg tomorrow we have play practice and we have to be in our costumes but I really dread having to wear my wig that is itchy. I hate it. At first it was fun but then it started getting on my nerves when it got all scratchy and all these strands started to come out.. SO..[GAH!! THE PLAY'S IN 10 DAYS!!!! KILL ME NOW!!! KILL ME NOW!!!! OH GOD SAVE ME~]

I've updated my blog like recently because SOMEONE told me I should make it all nice like his/hers. So I went and checked it out and.. what the heck. Completely caught off guard
but I kept feeling the pressure to redecorate my blog and after many downloaded templates, frustration and minutes, I got the strawberry banner (which I took the picture and decoed myself ^^) and changed the background color. Music might've been nice but.. it was too haaard..
I can't make head or tale of the template code. anywayz...

Better Than I

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I choose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

Chorus
You know better then I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
For You know better then I

If this has been a test
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in You

Chorus

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If I let You reach me
Will You teach me

You know better then I
You know the way
I've let go, the need to know why
I take what answer, You supply
For You know better then I

It is the best of times... It is the worst of times...

I wished for a change.
I dreamt for a change.
I prayed for a change.
I got a change.
And now it's changing me...

So drastically too. Some were expected... Some were dreaded...
It is the worst of times... It is the best of times...
How more straightforward can it get?

Every morning and every night I'm full of hope...
And all the while, the dark days only become darker
Reality is hard to face
The harsh, cold winter only exacerbates things.
But there's the one Shining Light that pushes me on...
Encouraging and reminding me He's always there for me.
And He was... and will always be

A time to weep... a time to mourn

God truly works in miraculous ways. The only thing I can't understand is why he would cause grief and sorrow for our family on the beginning of a new year. My grandfather passed away on the first of January, 2009 because of brain tumor. So much for a fresh start of a new year, eh? Now my mom's gonna be gone for a month and during that time, it's my dad, brother, and I. Without Mom, things are gonna be so hectic. I mean, seriously...
Through this, I believe God is going to help me become more dependant on Him, and learn to be a better housekeeper-filling in for most of the responsibilities my mom had. I'd asked to be more responsible and diligent... more dependant on God... turning to Him for all my problems. However, I didn't expect it to happen THis way.
But I can trust that He did it for good...His own will... even if we're not happy with it.

My cellphone rang, causing my hand to plop over it and silence it. I thought, It's already morning? It rang again, making me aware that someone was calling me. I flipped it open and answered. The number was unfamiliar...but the voice was so much like my mom's. The broken voice said, Your Grandpa died. Still thick with sleep, I hung up, imagining my mom catching a plane and heading off for the States. The phone rang again and this time, the voice claimed to be my aunt.. Oh, I thought, how could I be so stupid. She repeated the news and this time, I said, "Ok", and hung up again. What could simply be wrong with me. The phone rang for the last time as I answered. "I'm sorry, you were sleeping..." "No, I'm.. ugh.." "Grandpa passed away..." Realization dawned upon me. "Let me talk to your mom..." I protested, numb from shock and sleep until my mind finally woke up and decided that it was the best action. Seeing that the time was 2 in the morning, I opened the door to my very surprised dad as I handed over the phone... quickly rushing out, still analyzing the shock. Hot tears rushed out, facing reality as somewhere deep inside, I wished that it wouldn't be true. My fears were confirmed as I heard my mom crying from the other room...

People came over and just comforted our family today. I stayed in my darkened room, trying not to burst out in tears. Memories of my grandpa attacked me... The sympathy in our visitors' eyes only made it worse... I didn't want to think much about it.
When my friend came, she and I just talked. I tried to keep a light tone and not break down. Thankfully, she didn't bring it up again. Soon, we started laughing. I was actually thankful for once to be able to be easily distracted. Her parents stayed and her mom made dinner for us. My friend and I watched movies and talked about stuff. When she left, I was left with no distractions. But I thanked God for sending her over. Then, I was reminded of a verse from Ecclesiastes...Chapter 3, verse 4..a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance... I don't know why.. but the first part really stood out. It fit my situation perfectly, though I doubt it was meant to be in that way. But oddly, I found comfort in it. Easily distracted... or in this case, random as I can get, it led me to think about how Grandpa dying was actually a good thing for him. He was suffering enough... God just shortened his pain. We can be glad that all his troubles are now over. And hopefully, good will come out of all this.

Happy New Year!

As if on cue, the bangs increased.
Brilliant lights shot up the midnight sky, showering the empty space with sparks.
It was no Disneyland-style show.
But something about the random fireworks truly performed a unique, spectacular display. No camera could truly capture the beauty in its entity.
I stood there on the balcony, reminiscising fondly of New Years last year. I'd been on this same spot, gleefully (and literally) jumping around yelling "Happy New Year" to the neighborhood.
Something caught me this time, though.
I felt sorrow... remorse... nostalgia... as I flipped through my memories of the past year. I felt no joy whatsoever. Time had changed me a lot within a year. I wondered what I had accomplished. Suddenly, it freshly hit me as it always did; time goes by fast... regardless of whether you're having fun... or not. Looking ahead, I felt fear. With time slipping from my hands, just like that, I felt once again that my life was being wasted. Immediate action was crucial. There was no time for idling.
So I decided that I would be productive of this year as much as I could. It is my intention to never bring out the word 'bored' or 'nothing to do' to my lips... as much as I can resist.
Some people don't have the time. Others simply have it limited.
And yet most of us bring it to waste, only wishing it would fly faster.
Time is precious and we should make the most out of it. Just like the way we should make the most out of our lives. Moreover, we should do it all for God and make Him feel proud.

Some prayer requests I might like to...request for this year!

• First of all my grandfather, who's suffering from brain tumor. He had surgery and everything but he recently had to go back to the hospital. Apparently his health is decreasing once more. Please, please pray!
• Secondly, that I can improve my grades more and try harder.
• Lastly, that I can be efficient with my time.